I Apologize

 June is always a tough month. This year was a little worse. Mostly because I am a little worse. I know its been a long time, 1994 was very long ago. Yea Donna is my dream girl. Was she perfect, lol far from it. It was the bond we had that meant so much. It still does. Its she my Dream girl because she was pretty? Well to me she is. Was she beautiful, Of course. That's why I love her so much.


Beauty is much more then skin deep. Beauty comes from within. All of us are beautiful when we want to be. I just don't feel I have been all that beautiful lately. I need to let go of the past I keep trying to hang onto. So much changed for me all very quickly. It took its told on my soul.


I been at a rush to judge others, that highly sensitivity thing, sometimes I read to much into things. Because of my own insecurity's. It damaged my trust of others more then anything.
When normally these things wouldn't faze me.


I hate acting this way. I don't like the way I am acting at all.  After what happen I guess I am fearful of it happening again. That really isn't any excuse. I don't like being like this at all. Its not fair to thoughts around me. I keep trying to prove to myself, That I am a good person. I however don't feel that I am. I need to learn to let go, move on, from this negative energy that seems to have me in its grasps.


I need a good source of neutral or positive energy. I need to be a little more trusting of others. I need to be joyful for what I do have. I shouldn't let others get me down.


Its hard when you hit that weak spot. It just pulls you in. Like quicksand the more you struggle the deep you go. I hope my friends understand I don't mean to be a jerk. But I feel like I have been.
So I am sorry to everyone. If I am acting a bit odd, I am struggling. I don't mean to act this way or even want to act this way. Emotions sometimes a pull stronger then gravity.


 I will try to do better, I will look harder for the Joy that so many, in my life bring me. I will try again to let go. I am not winning this fight. Maybe I shouldn't be fighting at all. Its not really my sort of thing. I only upset myself more.


I hope everyone can forgive me, for the way I been acting.


                                                                                                          Mo