Highly Sensitive

It seems I may be a highly sensitive person. I recently found there was a name for it and what it is.
I had tried to explain to others why I don't think the same as them. But I had a difficult time explaining. Not so sure I can really explain. Now that I understand that my connection to the world is emotional. It explains so many things.

Its explains why I wont do things I once loved so much. It explains why I disassociate with others that I really like. It explains why I have such an attachment objects, people, places, events and activities and I will disassociate objects people, places, events and activities. When the emotional overload disrupts such bonds.

Normally I get along in the world just fine. Normally am happy even at the worst of times. This is because the emotional bonds I formed kept me secure. When these bonds get damaged  my mind don't know how to handle it. What others may perceive as not a big deal internally I flip out. To cope with the emotional trauma I dissociate these emotional ties. 

Because everything is linked emotional internally damaging these emotional bonds can have serve affects on my emotional state. On my quality of life. How I feel about myself and others. Repairing these bonds is not an easy task.  Once that bond is damaged, objects, people, places, events and activities become somewhat toxic. As I will now internally associate this bond with negative emotions.

I will associate objects, people, places, events and activities with an emotion. Its how I process information.So if a bond is damaged between person A and I associate person A with person B. Effectively even if person B had nothing to do with what disrupted the bond with person A. The emotional bond between me and person B is affected, even if they did nothing wrong. This I believe is because I now associate negative emotions with person A and B. Internally I may still like person A and B, to protect myself from more emotional overload I will avoid both A and B. It can be the same with activities or objects If someone makes me feel bad over something. I then may associate an object or activity with a negative feeling. Knowing all of this it makes some trauma in my life make more sense to me. While I do try very hard to repair these emotional ties to the world I don't always know how.

It also makes realized that because of my thought process I may at times overload others. They may not understand how I think and believe I'm in there mind that my actions or to impress, manipulate or take advantage. Just because I do something for someone does not mean I have any ill intent. More then likely I do it because of the emotional bond that I all ready have formed. For me once a emotional bond is formed, that bond can’t really be completely remove from my system. The emotional association with this bond changes. While I do my best to repair any damaged bond, emotional overload can prevent me from doing so. Sometimes I need help to repair these bonds. When others don't understand how you think and feel about things they to can become overwhelmed. While trying frantically to fix these bonds others often do not see you are calling for help and see your emotional state as threatening to there self.

Looking at myself I now understand what it is I need, what it is I want. I need emotional connections. That is all I really want. That is what is important to me. Finding this is a much harder task then it seems because of my internal complexities. I will continue to try to repair the emotional ties I have to others and the world. I will continue to seek the emotional connections that my inner self treasures so much.

                                                                                                                                                      Mo