That really isn't a question. I can build it. But will I is the real question. Should I, what's with all the questions? I spent some time last night looking at cannons. I kind of want to build one. I have enough tools to do so. I could always use more. But really who couldn't use more tools. I really want to build one. So maybe the question should be why? That's where I fall into the trap. What trap you may ask? The trap where I have no good reason to build it. I could always come up with an excuse I guess. Could call it a learning experience, the 4th of July is coming, I don't have a cannon. I'm sure the list could go on.
But still not sure if I will. I really know why I want to build it. I want to build it for a friend. However I'm not sure we are friends anymore. Sometimes things just happen, misunderstanding
and all of that. So I'm kind of afraid to build it. I don't want to think about the drama. I don't want the
memories. I still want to build a cannon.
Life is tough sometimes. Seems nothing can be easy. If I do something I give 110 percent or nothing at all. That 110 percent may not seem like it some days. I give it all I have at the time or I just don't bother at all. I never seen the point of half-assing things. Do them right or at least attempt too. Some people can get away with just good enough. I can't. Sometimes things don't work out no matter how much effort you put forth. Does that mean you shouldn't try?
This morning I few drawings of a possible proto type. I'm sure if I build it things will change as its constructed. I just needed a rough idea of what it was I would hope to build.
Blood Sweat and Tears
Hopefully not much blood, it happens though. Probably not much sweat its a
bit cool out. More than anything tears will affect me the most
if I go ahead and build this cannon.
Even with a few tears in my eyes at the moment, I still want a tiny cannon
to call my very own.
Mo
Build it. Keep it for now, put it in a box if it hurts, but build it. You keep going back to it, you need to do it. And a dear friend told me something once a couple years ago, she said "...I think we all do the best we can. But everyday is different. Some days just getting out of bed is the best we can, and other days we can move mountains. But we are all just trying to do our best." Anyway, you know you and your limits. But my two cents is build-it. The reason??? Cause it will make you smile. It may hurt, but there is joy there too. Also I really want to see it.
ReplyDeleteIn the blink of an eye my tiny piece of the world just crumbled to dust. As much as I tried to hold it together, it slipped though my fingers. As I attempt pick up the tiny fragments I cherished so much, they cut me deep. Though the bone, they scar my soul as I slowly gather the tiny shards. Some pieces hurt more then others. Other pieces fell though the cracks and they are lost. The lost pieces are the ones that hurt the most. The pieces you can't replace.
DeleteI do plan to build it, at least attempt to build it. Some days are harder then others. Your friend is definitely right, that getting out of bed part is right. That's though to do :p
What makes me smile is to make others smile. If I can make someone, anyone smile it makes my day. If I can help someone, that makes me smile. I don't want money or fancy things I just want to make the world smile. Someone once told me I couldn't save the world. That doesn't mean I can't try. Even with the best intentions we sometimes fall. Sometimes harder then others.
Life can be so complicated when really it shouldn't be. I'm sure when my wounds heal and I will be back trying to save the world or at least my tiny piece of it.
No you can't save the world. Neither can I. I don't think we are supposed to. I think that we are all supossed to do the best we can and help where we can. You making others smile is needed, and the word needs more people like you.
ReplyDeleteThere is that parable of the older gentleman coming upon a a beach covered In stranded starfish and a sole young boy throwing as many as he could back into the sea. The gentleman walked to the young boy and said "Boy what are you doing? There are too many, there is no way you can save them all, why even try?" And the young boy said "I can't save them all, but to the few I do help it means the world."
It's not the exact parable, but you get the gist. You are a good man Mo. You care about those close to you, and because of your wonderful caring heart you can get hurt deeper than some. I'm so sorry your world crashed around you. It's heartbreaking & deavestating when it does. I'm so glad you are finding yourself again, you have lots of starfish who need you❤
:-) A smile, Some tears, and a lot of joy to have a friend as good as you :-)
ReplyDeleteDitto my friend :) Besides us empaths have to stick together 🌈
Delete:-)
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