Saturday, July 1, 2017

Emotional Blog June 2017







June 1st 2017
 Distraught



June 2nd 2017
Devastated


June 3rd 2017
Reliefed


June 4th 2017
Back


June 5th 2017
Me

June 6th 2017
Unsure


June 7th 2017
Behind


June 8th 2017
Unconnected


June 9th 2017
Hopeless


June 10th 2017
Surreal


June 11th 2017
Subdue


June 12th 2017
Under


June 13th 2017
Gone


June 14th 2017
Tears


June 15th 2017
Lifeless


June 16th 2017
Surrender


June 17th 2017
Scared


June 18th 2017
Hopeless


June 19th 2017
Mad


June 20th
Negative

June 21st 2017
Not me


June 22nd 2017
So So


June 23rd 2017
Umm


June 24th 2017
Issues


June 25th 2017
Rough


June 26th 2017
All Smiles


June 27th 2017
Really Good


June 28th 2017
Outraged


June 29th 2017
Heartbroken


June 30th 2017
Damaged


Friday, June 23, 2017

Wedding Bells

 

No there aren't mine !!!!



 A friend from high school is getting married. This will be his second one. I myself have never been married, I am still looking for that dream girl I guess. I was in his first wedding. I have only met his fiancĂ© only once she seemed very nice. I hope they have a long and happy life together. 


 For there wedding gift, my mother did a cross stich piece. I did a custom mat. So lets she how that
turned out. I started with some paper about 10 pieces. Some are photo paper, and some are butcher paper. I put paint down on glass. Then printed onto the paper from the glass. This is one of the pieces
I made onto photo paper.
After printing the piece off glass, I let it dry. Then spay mounted it
to black on, black mat board.

When that was dry I had to choose what piece to cut he mat board out of.
I had spray mounted two, one black and one white background.
I chose to try the black background first. There where issues as there
always are. The black on did not adhere at all. I had to spray glue it again.
After letting it dry I cut it to match the frame and the cross stich piece.



Above is the mat board cut and ready for framing. I know it looks simple and really it was.
It however took a lot of time, a few supplies. Of course there where issues. In the end I think it
looks great for all the problems I had. From bad spay glue, to not shaking the paint up properly.
It seems to have worked out.

Above is the cross stich piece my mom made, inside the mat. The frame isn't shown, it is just a simple black frame.

                                                                                                      Mo 

I Apologize



 June is always a tough month. This year was a little worse. Mostly because I am a little worse. I know its been a long time, 1994 was very long ago. Yea Donna is my dream girl. Was she perfect, lol far from it. It was the bond we had that meant so much. It still does. Its she my Dream girl because she was pretty? Well to me she is. Was she beautiful, Of course. That's why I love her so much.


Beauty is much more then skin deep. Beauty comes from within. All of us are beautiful when we want to be. I just don't feel I have been all that beautiful lately. I need to let go of the past I keep trying to hang onto. So much changed for me all very quickly. It took its told on my soul.


I been at a rush to judge others, that highly sensitivity thing, sometimes I read to much into things. Because of my own insecurity's. It damaged my trust of others more then anything.
When normally these things wouldn't faze me.


I hate acting this way. I don't like the way I am acting at all.  After what happen I guess I am fearful of it happening again. That really isn't any excuse. I don't like being like this at all. Its not fair to thoughts around me. I keep trying to prove to myself, That I am a good person. I however don't feel that I am. I need to learn to let go, move on, from this negative energy that seems to have me in its grasps.


I need a good source of neutral or positive energy. I need to be a little more trusting of others. I need to be joyful for what I do have. I shouldn't let others get me down.


Its hard when you hit that weak spot. It just pulls you in. Like quicksand the more you struggle the deep you go. I hope my friends understand I don't mean to be a jerk. But I feel like I have been.
So I am sorry to everyone. If I am acting a bit odd, I am struggling. I don't mean to act this way or even want to act this way. Emotions sometimes a pull stronger then gravity.


 I will try to do better, I will look harder for the Joy that so many, in my life bring me. I will try again to let go. I am not winning this fight. Maybe I shouldn't be fighting at all. Its not really my sort of thing. I only upset myself more.


I hope everyone can forgive me, for the way I been acting.


                                                                                                          Mo



























Wednesday, June 14, 2017

A day I will never forget



      Its June 14th, For me a day I will never forget. Around 1pm my time. I don't know how, I don't,
 know why, at the time I just didn't understand. I heard a voice in my head. It said "I'm sorry I have to go, I need to be with my parents" At the time it made no sense to me. None at all. It confused me, even spooked me a bit. I brushed it off. I didn't know what to think.



Around 3pm I got a phone call. Then what I had heard in my head made sense. The call was from her sister. My Best Friend, the Girl of my Dream, had died. I will never know how she told me good bye,
but I will never forget that afternoon.
 

Its been 23 years and for me it is like it was just yesterday. I still see her face every time I close my eyes. I still feel her present's. I feel she watch over me, even after all of this time, I still Love
her more then words can ever say. She still inspires me to be a better person. She taught me a lot before and after her death. She taught me what Love really is. I still Love her as much today as I did 23 years ago.


True love never dies.
It never gets old or tired.
It always forgives.


I miss hearing her voice, seeing her smile, I will always have the Love she gave me.
To speak her name fill my eyes with tears and my heart with Love.
She is truly my angel and still guides me on this path we call Life.

                                                                                                                Mo

Donna will always be missed, I carry her in my heart, so she is not really gone.
She gave me a family, She gave me her friendship, she gave me a bond that still lasts to this day.







 

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Unsure

   Its true, While I'm doing much better today, everyday is a challenge. Today is no different. I am still deeply hurt by all that has happened. Emotional in up I'm down I'm left and I'm right. I am unsure where I belong. Its like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. I have no direction. I keep looking hoping to find what ever it is, I need to settle my soul.












     











I seem to be stuck in a rut and I need to get out and continue this crazy thing we call life.
                                  
                                                                                                                                                   Mo



Thursday, June 8, 2017

I Came, I Saw, I Wanted, I Got





I try very hard, at everything I do. Its 110 percent. I give it may all unless I don't want to do it at all, I have normally have all the patience  in the world. I will wait till the cows come home, if that's what it takes. I usually get what ever it is I truly want. Not always but most the time. If I didn't get what I wanted did I really want it at all? Well I really wanted a CNC. I wasn't really Patience this time around. I am eager to learn. Not only about how to use a CNC, but how to build one. The building part seems a lot easier, then learning how to use one properly. I am taking no chances this time around, I will work night and day, for a year maybe longer if that how long it takes. I really think automation is the future. If I can learn this thing I can learn anything. I have taught myself many things. I have taught others a lot. I am no leader but I follow no one. I learn by doing, I learn with the help of my friends, that take the time to teach me what they know.





I can tell you this looks like its a little above my pay grade.
I bit harder then I wanted it to be.
But no harder then I expected.
 


But I am bound and determined to figure it out.
Come hell or high water.



With enough time and money anything is possible



While this maybe true, with enough heart
anything is possible too. While I may not have money,
probably not all that much time. I have a lot of heart.
Its them emotions that can make one fell so bad, feel so
 overwhelmed at times that can also help us conquer any
obstacle the universe put in front of us.
Emotions and bonds may make me a bit weak at times.
They also make me much stronger then most.   

Not everything turns out. While this test went well.
Its not perfect, lol. Its messed up. I at least tried.
And I will regroup and try again. This image is cut into mat board.
The CNC is apparently  out of tram. Its not level so to say.
The bit cut a bit of the mustache. I may have cut to deep?
Used the wrong kinda bit? Could be my feeds and speeds?
Time will give me these answers. Its all trial and error.


Not every thing goes belly up. Just because things don't go my way
at times that's no reason to get in a hissy fit.

I just have to start again.
The more I try the better I will get.
As this one isn't half bad.
I already have plans to use it.
I love digital things, you can rinse and repeat
till them cows come home. This is the same image
I cut into the saw blade by hand.
This one however is like 2.42 inches by 1.82 .
Or around 61mm by 46mm for you metric types.
Its pretty small. I think it did an ok job over all.
For a test I think I came out great.


Moving on to something harder. I by no means have anything figured out yet
I got it to cut, have only broke one bit so far. I think I'm doing rather well.
So I took the image below that I spent a while making. By the way below is
a highly manipulated image of yours truly.

I have no idea what I did to make it, its a bit blurry I know I used
a lot of the blur filter. But I took that image from above. Loaded it
in the software, ran the tool path, generated the gcode. Sent that to
the CNC, and I got this.

Ok it took a long time, far from great, but I am impressed. The file could use a bit of work.
Maybe someone else's picture as I'm not all that cute.
Its about 60mm by 60mm or so. Carving my artwork into wood, I have to say, that is
really awesome.  I'm getting older its harder to do the things I once did. So for me
this is great. Maybe I can adapt things to the 3d printer and print a few things in 3d, out of plastic.
The possibilities are endless.

 The only thing that holds you back is yourself.
I know this all to well. I will try harder to be better. Even if I have no idea what I'm doing.
The fact I tried, the fact I gave it my all, the fact I didn't give up
That's what counts for me.

I'm not sure, I'm good at anything
I don't need to be the best, I don't need to win,
Its only important that I try.

                                                                                                                    Mo